Revisiting the Challenges of Having Adult Children

Kids Are Always Seeking Help

Raising kids is sometimes routine, but other times quite difficult. We often need to put our kids needs ahead of our own--Although not all the time. Kids who have sacrificing parents can sometimes take it for granted and not learn themselves about the importance of sacrificing for others. 

I wrote a short piece a while back on how as parents it sometimes requires we put our own pressing priorities aside and listen to our kids when it is just not convenient to listen to them. We might have meetings at work that have set our schedule back and we need to get work done at home. Or we might need to run out somewhere and see someone on important business. We might have the game of the week on--and it might be a good one that we've looked forward to all week.  It might even be something like mashing the potatoes for dinner or taking a phone call from a friend, but there are times when we know our kids need our attention and they need it NOW. You can't schedule parenting and people who believe a little time can be enough if it's quality time, I'm not sure if I buy that argument. 

When our kids start their own families, it often requires more sacrifice on our parts, but in a different way. Our grown-up kids have the same responsibilities that we had as parents and time can be scarce for them. It might mean we get that "how are you, Dad" call when they are multi-tasking, say taking a walk or trying to quietly do the dishes. It's easy to feel a little slighted when this kind of thing happens. 

Some parents of adult children are very generous with their time. But I do think, just how that works can be dependant upon the parents themselves. Some parents who are grandparents have a talent for watching young kids and enjoy it. Others found it challenging to be parents of young kids and even more challenging to spend extended time with their grandchildren.  I suppose for most people, things get worked out, but at the same time we should consider the personality and qualities of the people. 

I think at some point we do our best and be as honest as we can be. If you have a 40-year old son or daughter that never learned to show any appreciation there may  be consequences. Perhaps that child wants you to watch their child or children for them frequently.  

Sometimes I wish I could call an aunt of mine or one of my grandmas and get their take on things. Back in the day, it just seemed like there was more certainty and expectations were laid out. In today's world, it just seems like some of the best people that I know have more questions than answers, but generally put it all on their shoulders. 

Some grandparents were older when they had their children. Remember the "you can have it all" movement--a promising career fulfilled that required postponing having children? If you postponed having kids and then your kids postponed having kids, you might find yourselves grandparents for the first time when you are in your 70s or older.  You might look pretty good for a retired granny or grandpa, but watching a little roadrunner can take a lot out of you. That gigantic Starbucks coffee can help for the first hour, but the fall-off in energy can be almost debilitating. Some work out a tag-team approach, when granny is ready to collapse--hand the child off to grandpa! 

I suppose in the end, one of the wisests of relatives might tell me that life is messy and you have to make the decisions for yourself.  

Most women I know just keep on keeping on, making every sacrifice for their kids and their kids' kids. The grandads seem to do a lot of driving, going to sporting events, etc., but often they don't change a lot of diapers, do the extra wash, or cook the dinners. On the other hand, there's a lot of take-out these days and plenty of activities that old pops can take the kids to keep them occupied. 

Distance of course is the wild card.  When you kids live away, you are not likely to be much help except for short periods of time and visits. Whatever you situation, it all comes out in the wash, I guess.  It does require a certain civility to make it all work. 

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I am a book publisher who publishes books on sports and faith at sportingchancepress.com

Sportsmanship

Sportsmanship is our fifth Sports and Faith Series book written by Patrick McCaskey. In publishing,  you have deadlines and you have deadlines. We will be publishing this book sometime in later this month or early  February. 

Sportsmanship is the most ambitious book in Patrick McCaskey’s popular Sports and Faith Series. First, readers are treated to a wonderful Chicago Bears Calendar of historical events that celebrate one piece of Bears’ history for each day of the year. Facts surrounding many Bears’ players and their achievements are found here reflecting the hundred year history of the team.

Next, individual chapters feature interesting stories, sports segments, personal reminiscences, faith experiences, and the author’s humorous musings. Reflecting the practice of classic sports journalist memoirs, McCaskey has frequently written about his favorite athletes and coaches. In Sportsmanship, the author adds a new twist to this practice by including a chapter on favorite writers who have inspired him.  Perhaps a surprise for some readers will be the author’s chapter on biblical poems based on the four Gospels.  Towards the end of the volume are McCaskey’s speeches that have been used at social and civil events, motivational presentations to churches and schools, and all types of occasions relating to his passion, the Chicago Bears.

As a Bears’ Vice President who is immersed in community outreach and personal charitable pursuits, McCaskey writes about many exceptional people that he has known along the way. Writing and speaking for many decades, the author is an athlete in his own right whose tastes in literature have influenced his career. McCaskey has always followed his grandfather George Halas’s advice to maintain a positive outlook.  At the same time, readers will recognize his own enthusiasm for respecting those around him and taking time to smile and enjoy himself in his efforts. 

Psalm 22

I was reading the Greatest Story Ever Told for an Advent project.  Don't ask me to explain this book for Advent rather than Lent, but I couldn't explain half the things that I do or for that matter half the things that don't do. Anyway, I in the Greatest Story the reader gets to the Cruxifiction and he mentioned the "My God, my God, why has Thou abandon me" that Christ says at the end of his life. I have heard that countless time, but for some unknown reason, I do not recall hearing the fact that it is a reference to Psalm 22 and I suppose if I had read the Psalm in whole, I would have found it by myself. But I suppose like some people I have only read a line or two of  the Psalms as they related to a particular service. Psalm 22 states much of what Christians believe is the Old Testament vision of the coming of Christ, and his suffering, death, and resurrection. It is pretty astounding stuff. 

Forgiveness and That Man Is You

A wonderful old book that was very popular with priests, religious, and lay Catholics was That Man is You written by Louis Everly who was a Monk at the time of its writing. I tried to track down who owns the copyright, but had no luck. You can still get used copies from Amazon. This is one page from the book that I thought was wonderful:

I belong to the new Catholic group called That Man Is You that was started by Steve Bollman. There is no connection between this old book and Steve's organization. Mohammedans are mentioned on this page as one group who the author believes had problems with forgiveness. Today, there are many who have problems with forgiveness just as there are many who believe that "anything goes" that there are no sins. There are many people today who feel abandoned by their church--their hurt and frustration turns to anger. The sides are at times drawn out and no one is the victor. Solving the problem is not easy and frankly requires help from above. 

Bad News is Good News

In some ways, bad news can motivate people to work towards improvements that lead to good news. I just have a brief thought for today about young parents who want no part of church.  Many of them have had some exposure to church, and they are themselves non-believers in a sense that they just can't seem to align themselves with a faith.  They might have a certain amount of belief that has not worn away, but it was going to be a hassle so they checked out. People leave their religion for hundreds of reasons, so I don't want to simplify the notion as leaving for lazy reasons.  Certainly, many people may be leaving because of the commitment that comes with association with a church, but the "hassle" that keeps them away might be about having to align themselves with a group they are not proud of associating with today (some churches have PR problems today). It might be their faith is not really looked on as contemporary with lots of people--it has lots of "old" ideas. It might be that they have never gotten too deep with the faith business so the exit was quick and painless.  It might be one of their parents was always criticizing the church or even making fun of it when they were growing up. [A lot of bad news today is often mad PR, not bad faith.]

My generation was one that grew up looking at everything with cynicism and questioning things that had been accepted for generations or even millenniums. For many people there is a period of total unbelief that takes place as they reach adulthood and then they circle back--not all of them, but some come back. If you think that is not true, go read about some of the most noteworthy Christians today and you will find many "conversion" stories. In some churches they have various names for the experience. But  getting back to the point of raising children, the one thing that comes to mind for me is that if you raise your kids without faith because your may be a low point yourself, they might have a conversion experience later in their lives, but it might not be one that you are comfortable with. Maybe you are one of those open minded parents, that want your kids to find their peace without you, but you might just be abandoning generations of trials and tribulations that meant everything to your ancestors. Again, that might not be important to you.  

I just think when you have kids, what you pass down to them is very important.  And what you don't pass down to them might be very important as well. If you think that all religions foster hate, I'd have to disagree with you, but some of them do. Just as some forms of non-belief can lead to acceptance of other "haters." It all starts with you and your spouse. 

Loss of Faith May Lead to More Obsesity

A silly headline isn't it? Or is it? 

A popular architectural magazine published an article at the end of 2018 that touted the fact that architects were finding good use of former churches. The high ceilings, big spaces, and repurposed stained glass are prefect for restaurants. 

Of course, people who are concerned with the reduced state of faith in 21st century America might see the article as more bad news. Many churches in urban areas are closing, especially in areas where young people are moving in. In many ways, statistics show that many of our youth either never had much faith or lost it on the way to adulthood.  

A friend of mine who is a priest tells me that the reduction in faithful people today is a good sign towards the future because those who are faithful today are making a decision to do so. And as my cousin might say, they are more grounded in faith as opposed to many of those previously who followed the faith going forth blindly. We have committed faithful people going forward. 

So where are the young people headed who are much more concerned with restaurants that salvation? What happens when  your life is more about the interest in a gourmand that God? 

And purhaps even more troubling, what happens when our young people satisfy their basic need for the supernatural with thoughts on vampires, aliens, witches, and magic? 

There isn't really an answer to these questions. I think what inevitably happens when faith hits a low point, is that we see problems and horrific events and suffering that brings people back to God.   But it can take quite a while. 

One on One Social Media

What we attempt at Sporting Chance Press is to keep publishing books that promote the good. We write about people with faith who lead exemplary lives.  Good thoughts replace bad thoughts on the media sites.    We believe it is a worthwhile struggle.                                                     

Saint Kevin: A Story of the Ages; A shirt for tomorrow!

We have created a "Saint Kevin and the Blackbird" shirt. The image was created by Curt Rabinak and I think it is a winner. We are including a brief story on Saint Kevin in our next book in our Sports and Faith Series called Worthwhile Struggle. 

Seamus Heaney wrote a poem based on Irish-Catholic tradition called “Saint Kevin and the Blackbird.”A blackbird landed on the Saint’s hand while his arms were extended in prayer—the bird laid its eggs in his hand. The kindly saint holds the bird until the eggs hatch and the young birds leave.

The actual story dates from roughly 800 years ago. 

Order our shirt at sportingchancepress.com

The publisher of Sporting Chance Press is Lawrence Norris.