Revisiting the Challenges of Having Adult Children

Kids Are Always Seeking Help

Raising kids is sometimes routine, but other times quite difficult. We often need to put our kids needs ahead of our own--Although not all the time. Kids who have sacrificing parents can sometimes take it for granted and not learn themselves about the importance of sacrificing for others. 

I wrote a short piece a while back on how as parents it sometimes requires we put our own pressing priorities aside and listen to our kids when it is just not convenient to listen to them. We might have meetings at work that have set our schedule back and we need to get work done at home. Or we might need to run out somewhere and see someone on important business. We might have the game of the week on--and it might be a good one that we've looked forward to all week.  It might even be something like mashing the potatoes for dinner or taking a phone call from a friend, but there are times when we know our kids need our attention and they need it NOW. You can't schedule parenting and people who believe a little time can be enough if it's quality time, I'm not sure if I buy that argument. 

When our kids start their own families, it often requires more sacrifice on our parts, but in a different way. Our grown-up kids have the same responsibilities that we had as parents and time can be scarce for them. It might mean we get that "how are you, Dad" call when they are multi-tasking, say taking a walk or trying to quietly do the dishes. It's easy to feel a little slighted when this kind of thing happens. 

Some parents of adult children are very generous with their time. But I do think, just how that works can be dependant upon the parents themselves. Some parents who are grandparents have a talent for watching young kids and enjoy it. Others found it challenging to be parents of young kids and even more challenging to spend extended time with their grandchildren.  I suppose for most people, things get worked out, but at the same time we should consider the personality and qualities of the people. 

I think at some point we do our best and be as honest as we can be. If you have a 40-year old son or daughter that never learned to show any appreciation there may  be consequences. Perhaps that child wants you to watch their child or children for them frequently.  

Sometimes I wish I could call an aunt of mine or one of my grandmas and get their take on things. Back in the day, it just seemed like there was more certainty and expectations were laid out. In today's world, it just seems like some of the best people that I know have more questions than answers, but generally put it all on their shoulders. 

Some grandparents were older when they had their children. Remember the "you can have it all" movement--a promising career fulfilled that required postponing having children? If you postponed having kids and then your kids postponed having kids, you might find yourselves grandparents for the first time when you are in your 70s or older.  You might look pretty good for a retired granny or grandpa, but watching a little roadrunner can take a lot out of you. That gigantic Starbucks coffee can help for the first hour, but the fall-off in energy can be almost debilitating. Some work out a tag-team approach, when granny is ready to collapse--hand the child off to grandpa! 

I suppose in the end, one of the wisests of relatives might tell me that life is messy and you have to make the decisions for yourself.  

Most women I know just keep on keeping on, making every sacrifice for their kids and their kids' kids. The grandads seem to do a lot of driving, going to sporting events, etc., but often they don't change a lot of diapers, do the extra wash, or cook the dinners. On the other hand, there's a lot of take-out these days and plenty of activities that old pops can take the kids to keep them occupied. 

Distance of course is the wild card.  When you kids live away, you are not likely to be much help except for short periods of time and visits. Whatever you situation, it all comes out in the wash, I guess.  It does require a certain civility to make it all work. 

_________________________________________________

I am a book publisher who publishes books on sports and faith at sportingchancepress.com