I have wandering mind. Sometimes it just takes off and heads out to sea or up in the clouds. It usually comes back to me, but it can be aggravating when you really want to focus and you just can't.
I am not a poster boy for Christianity. I do my best, but I often miss the mark by a wide margin. This isn't just false modesty, it's true. Somehow being a Catholic, you are reminded often about how far off the mark you are.
I feel a bit out of place at times when I go to weekday mass and sit with the church ladies. These people are really amazing. They are not the type of people who look down their noses at you -- they are just wonderful people who care deeply about each other and their faith. They take comfort in meeting in the chapel for the rosary every morning and attending mass in the church--and then having a word with each other before they head out to their worldly responsibilities. If I was a Priest, I think the first thing I'd have to admit to myself, is no matter how hard I might try to be holy, there would always be a number of church ladies who would someday sit a few rows ahead in heaven's arena. I think I'd stay away from lecturing them on holiness--it would be like telling Aaron Rodgers how to throw a football.
Along the same lines, like the church ladies, I always had the impression that the nuns were a few rungs up the spiritual ladder than the Priests. The Sisters were not just trying to be good, they were often trying to be perfect--in EVERYTHING--not just their spiritual lives. I know, I had many Sisters as teachers. I even had KP duty with the Sisters of the 1960s a few times--they could spot a spot on a glass from 20 yards. We miss the Sisters, there is no doubt about that. They were special and there are so few of them now it's like they are invisible.
Anyway, getting back to my attention span. When I have the privilege of attending daily mass, my mind can wander. I try all kinds of things to keep it on track, but it still wanders. And if it wanders too much, I feel like I am getting out of touch with the Boss. I mean after all, if you can't connect at church, where can you, right? Sometimes on the odd day, a few hours after the morning mass, I will be close to church in the afternoon on an errand. If so, I will stop in for a prayer. I remember my dad doing that at times. "Let's stop in for a Hail Mary," he would say. Kneeling with my dad in an old quiet church is a very fond memory for me. I wish he were here to still do it with me to this day, even if he would be 100 years old.
I am one of those people who needs to be in touch in God on a regular basis--I need that attachment and that sense of love that I feel when the Boss and I click.
Often when I feel out of touch, life has gotten the best of me and I just haven't put out the effort. I haven't phoned "home." At these times, I just have to step back and remind myself to talk to God in the quiet times. As I curl up in bed and turn off the light, I close my eyes and pray and there we meet again--and everything is all right.
I am not a poster boy for Christianity. I do my best, but I often miss the mark by a wide margin. This isn't just false modesty, it's true. Somehow being a Catholic, you are reminded often about how far off the mark you are.
I feel a bit out of place at times when I go to weekday mass and sit with the church ladies. These people are really amazing. They are not the type of people who look down their noses at you -- they are just wonderful people who care deeply about each other and their faith. They take comfort in meeting in the chapel for the rosary every morning and attending mass in the church--and then having a word with each other before they head out to their worldly responsibilities. If I was a Priest, I think the first thing I'd have to admit to myself, is no matter how hard I might try to be holy, there would always be a number of church ladies who would someday sit a few rows ahead in heaven's arena. I think I'd stay away from lecturing them on holiness--it would be like telling Aaron Rodgers how to throw a football.
Along the same lines, like the church ladies, I always had the impression that the nuns were a few rungs up the spiritual ladder than the Priests. The Sisters were not just trying to be good, they were often trying to be perfect--in EVERYTHING--not just their spiritual lives. I know, I had many Sisters as teachers. I even had KP duty with the Sisters of the 1960s a few times--they could spot a spot on a glass from 20 yards. We miss the Sisters, there is no doubt about that. They were special and there are so few of them now it's like they are invisible.
Anyway, getting back to my attention span. When I have the privilege of attending daily mass, my mind can wander. I try all kinds of things to keep it on track, but it still wanders. And if it wanders too much, I feel like I am getting out of touch with the Boss. I mean after all, if you can't connect at church, where can you, right? Sometimes on the odd day, a few hours after the morning mass, I will be close to church in the afternoon on an errand. If so, I will stop in for a prayer. I remember my dad doing that at times. "Let's stop in for a Hail Mary," he would say. Kneeling with my dad in an old quiet church is a very fond memory for me. I wish he were here to still do it with me to this day, even if he would be 100 years old.
I am one of those people who needs to be in touch in God on a regular basis--I need that attachment and that sense of love that I feel when the Boss and I click.
Often when I feel out of touch, life has gotten the best of me and I just haven't put out the effort. I haven't phoned "home." At these times, I just have to step back and remind myself to talk to God in the quiet times. As I curl up in bed and turn off the light, I close my eyes and pray and there we meet again--and everything is all right.
